You’re Enaged!
You just got engaged! Congratulations! You’re in love and starting to plan your wedding. You and your fiancé may come from similar or very different backgrounds, and you likely have expectations for the future that you haven’t fully discussed yet. This example is one of the paramount reasons behind pre-marital therapy. Couples need to have many important conversations before marriage, and a counselor can guide those discussions with the right questions. In this blog, I’ll share the top three topics every couple should address before getting married.
Expectations
Expectations is a broad word, but I chose that for a reason. Every person goes into marriage with different expectations, often tailored around what we grew up with in our families of origin. Here are some questions that I often as in pre-marital counseling that have to do with expectations:
- Who is going to work and make money?
- Do you want kids and if so, how many?
- What are your personal and religious values? How important are they to you?
- How often do you expect to have sex?
- Who is going to do the chores? How will this be discussed and assigned?
There are many other questions surrounding expectations, but these five topics that I picked are what couples definitely need to discuss before saying “I do.”
Money
Before marriage, share your financial history and habits with your partner. Financial stress can be a huge strain on the marriage, so it is better to get this out in the open before you tie the knot. Do you have debt that your fiancé does not know about? How do you want your bills to get paid? Do you tend to like to save money or spend it? Understanding these things about yourself and your partner will help you before marriage.
In-Laws
Marriage brings the joy of joining a new family—but it can also be stressful. Talk through expectations early: holidays, family obligations, shifting loyalty to your spouse, and how you’ll handle difficult conversations with both families as a united front.
Marriage is exciting, but it’s also a big decision, which makes these conversations important. If you’re engaged and want to invest in your relationship, our counselors at Envision Counseling Clinic offer pre-marital counseling—reach out today!
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