Will Marriage Counseling Help if I’m in an Emotional Affair?
Marriage counseling won’t help even if you are “only” emotionally attached to this other person. Emotional attachment is what a healthy marriage is based on. An emotional affair funnels your emotional energy and attention toward someone else. You pay attention to the affair partner’s emotions to the exclusion of your spouse’s emotion. Your positive emotions will become attached to the new person and your negative emotions will be reserved for your spouse (lucky them). You’ll be more critical and less forgiving of your spouse than if there wasn’t another person.
When do I Seek Marriage Counseling?
Many people in affairs still want their spouse and family. If you are having an affair, but want to see if your marriage can be saved: Stop the affair. Stop all contact with the affair partner. (Get support in this – it will be a loss.) Then, work on the marriage. (You’ll likely going to need support in this as well.) But don’t start counseling until you’ve stopped the affair. Marriage counseling is meant to help build trust and while you are having an affair you are not able to be trustworthy.
Blog by Dr. Veronica Johnson, July 8, 2026
