The Anxious Generation: Important Information for Parents
Written by Dr. Veronica Johnson, March 4, 2026
I recently read The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Jonathan Haidt. Haidt is a sociologist (at some important school that should impress us all) and began to question why Generation Z seems to score higher on measures of mental illness. His theory argues that parents began overprotecting their children in the real world in the 1990s and later under-protecting them in the virtual world after smartphones appeared in 2008. This shift reduced children’s free playtime while giving them constant access to virtual, screen-based experiences. As a result, many kids grow up disconnected from real-world challenges and unprepared for reality, which leaves them more susceptible to mental health problems.
Anxiety through Disconnection
Haidt highlights a theme of disconnection that results when children grow up on screens instead of playing with peers. In fact, he strongly states that social deprivation is one of the foundational harms of a phone-based childhood. (And by phones, he is specifically talking about smart phones with internet access.)
He describes a time before smartphones when kids related to one another in person—in their physical presence—so they communicated and connected face to face. In-person relating taught kids subtle cues to maintaining relationships over time. He also noted that kids related to people within their communities, which strongly motivated them to invest in relationships and repair rifts when they happened.
Sadly, phone-based relationships do not offer any of these benefits. Because you can relate to anyone on the internet for any length of time under any identity, relationships became shallow and disposable. This means kids are living with a constant threat of their “connections” withdrawing from them. Nothing gives us humans more anxiety.
Healing through Reconnection
I have ranted written previously about the importance of connection to move beyond mental illness. To be mentally healthy, we have to face hard things; and we can only face these hard things in connection. That being said, we need to reconnect our kids to real, personal interactions with their peers.
Haidt gives a lot of ideas in his book on how to help kids stay in the real world to reduce anxiety. I’d also add preschools that have a focus on social interaction are a good start. Encouraging school administrators to remove phones from classrooms. Our local high school is currently debating this topic even as I write these words. Staying off our own phones (adults, I’m talking to you!) and being present to connect to our children on those off-moments when they want to share something (we call it “talkative time” in our house).
Withholding screens and smart phones from kids is an important piece that allows for a desire to connect with others. When we have the world at our fingertips, why would we connect with this weirdo next to me? Humans eat because they are hungry. (Well, at least that’s the ideal situation. I eat for a lot of other reasons, but alas, I digress.) We relate to other flawed humans because we have a hunger for relationship. Our kids can only feel that hunger for relationship if something else (read: smart phones, video games, social media) isn’t filling the void.
Give Support. Get Support
Haidt ends the book by recommending parents to: Speak up and Link Up. This means if a system requires children to use devices, say something to those in charge. Let them know this is not how your family rolls and you’d like to talk about finding an alternative method of communication/learning/turning in homework, etc. Though this suggestion is practical, it requires courage. Ergo, Haidt’s recommendation to link up. It requires people of like mind to connect in order to face the onslaught of tech taking over childhood.
If you need support setting boundaries on tech in your family, consider parent coaching. When I meet a teen who complains about not having a smart phone or social media accounts or video games, I say, “Oh! Your parents must love you.” Setting boundaries on tech is one way we love our children. You can do this!
I recently led a workshop helping parents face some fears about withholding tech from their kids. Real anxiety results when:
- we can’t reach our child at a moment’s notice
- we aren’t sure exactly where our child is (“should I start the potatoes or what?!?”)
- our child may get left out of activities
Yet the outcomes for kids raised with smart phones are serious. There are fears no matter what you choose (to give a phone or to withhold a phone). The wisest (most wise?) decisions come from parents who have faced their fears head on. Here are some tips if your anxiety is keeping you from making good decisions for your kids.
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I share this next bit of information to embolden you as a parent. My husband and I have chosen to give phones to our children only once they are 16 years old. (Although, they have to prove themselves relationally trustworthy at that point to receive it even then.) Some people say that it can’t be done, but it can. There were certain things that were harder for my kids and the organizations they were a part of. Nevertheless, schools, churches, activities, and friends still communicated what needed to be said. Life can be lived in the real world. Remember?
