Trees are fascinating. In normal conditions, trees develop “reaction wood” or “stress wood” when they are pushed and pulled by wind and weather. That stress strengthens them and helps guide their growth.
But when trees receive everything they need—sun, water, and nutrients—without ever experiencing storms, they become weak. Without the strengthening that stress provides, they may collapse before reaching maturity.
This reminds me of children. As parents, we naturally want to protect our kids from stress, pain, rejection, loneliness, and fear. But normal struggles help children develop their own kind of “stress wood”—the strength they need to mature.
A child who never experiences the disappointment of a friend choosing someone else to play with may struggle more when facing bigger losses later in life. Healthy pain builds resilience.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4
We live in an affluent society. Most of us aren’t surrounded by war, scarcity, or unmet basic needs. We have comfort, technology, and convenience all around us. Sometimes, the challenge for parents isn’t protecting children from every stressor—it’s allowing healthy stress to shape them. Sometimes parents need to be the storm so their children can develop “stress wood.”
Saying “no,” setting limits, and following through on consequences are hard—but necessary. Your child’s pushback doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong; boundaries help kids grow into responsible, contributing adults. If you’re in the middle of this work, keep going. You’re doing important work.
Written By: Veronica Johnson
