Written By Marissa Halstead on February 23, 2026
In my previous blogs, I discussed elements of domestic abuse and the use of gaslighting. While there are many signs that you may be in an abusive relationship, one of the more important signs to highlight is the use of coercive control.
Coercive control can be defined as “a pattern of acts and behaviors that an abuser uses to take away your freedom and to control your life.” There are 10 states in the United States in which there is legislation surrounding the effects of coercive control, Colorado being one of them. The tricky thing about identifying coercive control is that these behaviors can start out seeming petty and small, but over time leave lasting damage.
During the course of my career, I’ve met with several women who have experienced coercive control in their romantic relationships. The theme that I have seen with all of them is that they all feel scared, isolated, and manipulated, but have been made to feel crazy due to the gaslighting their partner has put them through (see my previous blog for more information on gaslighting).
Coercive Control Starts Small
Since coercive control is a long-standing pattern of behavior, it can often take women years to even realize they are in a controlling relationship. This makes sense because it started out seemingly so “normal.” Coercive control is not limited to just romantic relationships. It is often the conduit in which it is seen the most; it is easier to control the people the abuser has the most intimate access to.
Since many women feel as if they are going crazy, I am going to list some examples so that you can see, you are NOT going crazy.
Coercive control can include:
- Isolating you from family and friends
- Controlling who you are allowed to spend time with
- Controlling your access to or your ability to earn money
- Constantly monitor your behavior (in person OR online)
- Tracking and/or stalking
- Blackmailing
- Emotionally or physically threatening
- Intimidation
- Gaslighting
- Sexual and physical violence
The list could go on and on. The main thing to remember is that this is all about power and control. The abuser wants to maintain the power they have over you, so they over-monitor your whereabouts to maintain that sense of control. Often women in controlling relationships feel insecure and believe there is something wrong with them. Addressing insecurity and developing a strong sense of self is a great direction for women to move in therapy.
If you suspect that you may be in a relationship that exhibits coercive control, your safety needs to be the top priority. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233) or visit https://www.thehotline.org/. If you are able to, seek counseling. Therapists at Envision would love to support you through this time!
