Written By: Marissa Halstead, LPC
A term that has been going around in the culture for a while is the concept of gaslighting. It seems like every other video on social media is “how to identify gaslighting.” I’ve discussed this term with a variety of clients so it may be helpful to go into it in more depth, as many people seem to be interested! Gaslighting is a very unhealthy, often abusive tactic that needs to be taken seriously.
Gaslighting by simple definition is a form of psychological manipulation that makes someone doubt their own experience so that control can be maintained by the gaslighter. Since relationships are complex, someone can be gaslit in a variety of ways, but the themes are consistent. Some tactics that gaslighters use to maintain control are denial, blame-shifting, and projecting.
Denial
The main thing a gaslighter does is deny your experience of reality. Statements like “that never happened” or “I never said that” are common to make you doubt your memory. The denial that someone uses is extremely invalidating. They might also say things like, “you’re too sensitive” which further denies your reality. If a gaslighter can convince you that your thoughts and feelings are unreliable, then they’ve got better control of you.
Blame-Shifting
When someone shifts the blame off of themselves and back onto you could also be called deflection. A more extreme example of this could be, “I wouldn’t yell at you if you weren’t so disgusting.” Name calling is usually involved in this too since they have to have a “reason” as to why they are being manipulative and/or abusive.
Projecting
Manipulative people often project onto others the things that they are doing themselves. An example of this could be that your partner constantly accuses you of the things that they are doing themselves. They may call you a cheater or a liar, when in fact they are the cheater and the liar in that particular situation. This can get tricky since they are trying to make you feel like you are the manipulative one and not them.
As you can see, someone who is proficient in gaslighting can make you feel like you are going crazy. Take heart, you are not going crazy. While there are other ways that someone can gaslight you, these are the ones that I see most often. If you feel like you may be in a manipulative relationship, seek help and get counseling. You may just change the trajectory of your life!
