Written by Dr. Veronica Johnson
December 8, 2025
I was watching a Broncos game (a joy to do this year), and a flag was thrown on one of our players (not surprisingly). The Bronco patted himself on the chest acknowledging that it was on him. He had held the offensive player and he knew it. There was something about his gesture that struck me. How beautiful it is when we take responsibility for our wrongs.
When we take responsibility for something we’ve done wrong, there’s no fight, there’s no defensiveness, there’s no blame or shame. Taking responsibility allows for a clear way to make things right and reconcile with people we’ve wronged. We move forward and carry on with life.
Why don’t we take responsibility more often?
Well, for me, it feels bad to take responsibility. Like rolling a snowball down a hill with sticky snow, taking responsibility can go from feeling guilty to feeling like a failure to feeling hopeless and alone. Does this sound familiar? The guilt I feel when I’ve done something wrong can easily take a detour to shame. As soon as shame is in the picture, I’m far more likely to blame others.
I have noticed that therapy can lend itself to blaming others instead of taking responsibility. (Um…I suppose I need to take responsibility for that happening in my own sessions with clients.) It is easy to point the finger at others, especially when they are not in the room to defend themselves. Ineffective, but easy. The short-term gain is that I don’t have to face my own badness, and I can demand that someone else will face their badness to make things better for me.
Perhaps some of this dynamic in therapy is related to modern psychology’s lack of explanation as to why things go bad. Most modern therapy approaches use a humanistic view of people to explain what is wrong and how to make it right. In general, humanistic thought leaves very little room for human brokenness – people are seen as mostly good. So when something is wrong, it is probably someone else’s fault. Even if something you did can be traced back to your flaw, the fact that you have this flaw is your mother’s fault or due to early childhood trauma.
Again, blaming others feels easy at first (I’m an expert at it), but it creates powerlessness and isolation in the end. You don’t have the power to change others. And the more you focus on the badness in others, the more likely you will move away from relationship. The short-term gain leads to long-term loss. Powerlessness. Isolation.
A Christian view of humanity can help shift therapy back to a more therapeutic approach, an approach that addresses the reality that humans are broken. When you face your sin nature (what others may call the shadow), you can take responsibility for it and make changes.
When I was growing up, I knew some people who were misogynistic (they put down women in various ways). They did and said some pretty dumb things, but the real damage to my soul came from my own beliefs that women were not valuable. More importantly, the real change came when I took responsibility for what I believed and discarded those beliefs. It is painful when we take responsibility for our brokenness, but it can lead to change that is freeing.
A Christian view does not leave humanity in their brokenness; no one could withstand such a weight. In Christ, you are loved in your brokenness. You can face all that is in you knowing that God is with you and telling you the truth about who you are. Christmas is a reminder that “God is with us” in Jesus.
If you are in therapy, take a risk and be honest about your badness with your therapist. Take responsibility. Use therapy as a place where to figure out how you contributed to the problems you are facing. Your therapist will support you as you figure out what you need to do next to live in freedom.
1 John 1:8-9
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
